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My hockey mum can beat up your soccer mum. Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check? Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate. Daddy, are you interested why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? What is your best chat up line?

What is your favourite takeaway meal? One of those issues is the ease in rejecting people. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

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TOP 100 funniest one-liners on the internet

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Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. Why isn't phonetic spelt the way it sounds? Hard work has a future payoff. Dating app for fans of Donald Trump has its personal data leaked. What are you most passionate about?

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The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette. All men are idiots, and I married their King. Can anyone believe how quickly this season has gone? Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

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Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! How would your best friend describe you? Playing dumb or making light of your achievements is no way to start a relationship.

Steven Wright One-Liners

Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told. Do you have a party trick? If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. What is the cheesiest chat up line you have heard? To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

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Avoid one liners - how the question, lessons tx. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. Hold on I have a call on the other line.

Then he dissects the experience and points out absurdities people don't realize they've overlooked. Kris jenner spotted together and one-liners! Whether you're a seasoned Bumble user or new to the dating app that. If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?

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Best one liners for online dating

Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me. When there's a will, I want to be in it. Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

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It was unfamiliar territory. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Try an age-specific one instead.

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Funny online dating one liners

It's time to reflect on lessons learned, reminisce. Are you a best man looking to deliver a speech that everyone remembers. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

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